Today I embark on one of the hardest trips of my life. To go say good bye to my Mom. Our relationship hasn’t always been the best, but was also never without lots of love.
My heart breaks that I have to go do this, but death is part of life. I find myself turning to my faith and knowing that through all of this God will give me the strength needed to do what needs to be done.
I have struggled with the decision of going to see her or waiting until her journey is through. I have prayed daily for guidance and strength. Two of my siblings have been able to get there and say their good-byes. I wish I could do more for my oldest brother to enable him to be there as well, but financially we can’t. Communicating the situation to my adult children has been difficult because my mom has always been so strong. She has been one of their biggest cheerleaders as well as teachers in life.
She has battled type 1 diabetes for more than 59 years, was a self made entrepreneur from humble beginnings… A mover and a shaker within a male dominated industry building not 1 but 2 very successful businesses that impacted so many lives. She was my brownie leader, my brothers den leader and my children’s babysitter.
When my dad passed in 2012, I spent a year caring for her, trying to keep the skilled care facility at bay. It took a lot of research and time to find a facility that my sister and I could agree upon. Dementia is an awful disease it steals memories and cognition as well as puts the person in danger through wandering and confusion. With everything she was facing and the level of care needed I was not the right person to be providing that care. She has always been a “brittle” diabetic meaning that her b/s is hard to regulate. She ate right, exercised and did the right things… only to have the disease continue to play havoc in her life.
As an adult you think you have a hold on your emotions until this type of situation arises. Then you find out all want to do is cry and grieve. I want to celebrate the Mom I know and love. I don’t want her to suffer any longer …
So on this journey I go… as my heart breaks and the prayers go up non stop….